I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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