i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think people are normalizing furries
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
