Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
