i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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