Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
