somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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