So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
