i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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