So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
