she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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