dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
