even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
