dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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