i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
