So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
