I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
