One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
