the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
