i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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