So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Drake has all the answers
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
