I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
