my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
