I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
