remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
