My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
