Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
