Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
