i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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