Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
