last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
