So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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