Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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