I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize