She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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