I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
