I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
