is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
