So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
