hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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