you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
