Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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