I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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