He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
