tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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