I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
