My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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