im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
