she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
