Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
