So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
