What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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