Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to make a zoo with you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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