whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
