woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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