her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
