my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dicks are not precious.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
