Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
