im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
