i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
