Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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