She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
