OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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