note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
