erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
