Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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