you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
