what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
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i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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