I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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