he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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