i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
