finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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