i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
