You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The air was thick with penises
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
