So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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